Survive vs Thrive

So I ended my last post with a phrase that I wan to go on a tanget about it – “are we thriving or just surviving” and because this is my blog, I can talk and rant and do anything I want and you just have to deal with it. Haha!

I remember one time I told Shelby (my therapist, remember?) that I didn’t want to “just survive.” I wanted to “thrive” during this life. Living every moment to its fullest. Doing anything and everything all the time. Giving 120% and beyond.

Of course, because it was therapy, she asked me to explore that further. Why was “thriving” so improtant to me and why was “surviving” so below my radar? Surviving means you are doing things that are nessesary to stay alive – water, shelter, food, etc… So why was surviving not the priority? Why was I trying to skip that important first step and go straight into thriving? Don’t you need to know how to survive in order to thrive?

I’ve already talked about this before, but my brain has wired itself to think that I have to prove that I’m deserving of this second chance I have. I have this hunger to show myself that I am capible and strong enough. Enough for what?? I don’t know how to discribe it… Anyway, there is something driving me to go waaaaaaayyyy past my limists, even though I know it’s ridiculous, I have to do it and if I don’t do it according to these made up specifications in my head, I’m failing.

And this is why depression is so hard for me, personally. I can see where I’m “failing” and my mental voice (I call her Fantacy Sarah – I’ll introduce you to her later in another post soon) is yelling at me because I’m failing and I know I’m failing but not wanting to do anything about it so she just yells louder.

Talking to Shelby about all of this definitly helped me recognize my need for going “above and beyond” my human needs and desires. I have learned that, yes, it’s okay to clean the kitchen when all you were planning on doing was unloading the dishwasher BUT it’s equally okay to only put dinner’s dishes in the sink. Those dishes are in the sink instead of on the table! That’s fantastic!

I know it can sound a little condecending, but I’m still learing and right now that kind of reinforcement helps me. When I feel like I’ve “failed,” I look at all the things that did get done today instead of what didn’t. That also kind of ties into to how important visual productivity is to me.

If you know me, you’d know that I’ll usually pick to clean the living room (from top to bottom) over taking a nap. Why is that? What’s going on with Fantacy Sarah that makes her feel like cleaning is more important? This is something Shelby helped me with – QUESTION IT. Figure out where that desire is coming from, understand why it’s important to me, make a decision, and then be okay with that decision.

So using this strategy and my mental percentage mesuring I’ve talked about before, I am now pretty well equipt with being kinder to myself and allowing myself to thrive in the ways I want…rather that what I thought it meant, even if that means I’m “just surviving” for a hot minute. 😉

She’s alive!?

I’m back! Life has been keeping me busy and crazy. (I also kinda got locked out of the blog, but I figured out how to get back in! Hooray!!)

So, what has happened since my last update in April? I think you all know what time it is…. PHOTO DUMP and STORY TIME, because that’s all I know how to do apparently! Haha!

In June, we went down to Ogden for some family time with the Taynors and came home the next day with someone’s wrist broken…. I bet you don’t even need three guesses to know who that was! 😉

Ricky was being “the fun uncle” and attempted to play on a hoverboard. He didn’t even get both feet on it before he went down. We we at my sister-in-laws house, so luckily we were literally right down the street from an urgent care. Our cute nieces came with us (one of them was our driver 😉 ) and provided us with some wonderful distractions at the hospital. In Utah, the put him in a splint and told us to call the orthopedic surgen when we got back into town.

Before that could happen, we went back into the ER because of pain. They readjusted his splint, gave him meds that worked much better for him, and sent us home.

Since then, he has seen the orthopedic surgen, gotten 2 different casts, and gon to physical therapy. Frustrating and annoyingly slow, but he’s been healing.

In July my family came down from Alaska to visit! It’s still very weird to think about… But they love it up there!

We also got to go camping with Ricky’s family – including extended family that I hadn’t met yet since they don’t live in Idaho or Utah! It was a wonderful weekend fo lots of laughing, no sleep, and way too much dust! Since Ricky had a cast during this trip, we were spoiled and got to sleep in the camper with Mom and Dad. I gotta tell you, as much as I LOVE camping, there’s something really nice about sleeping in a bed.

I super slacked on pictures, but this was taken from my bed one of the mornings! It was absolutly beautiful!

Ricky got a second job! He’s working with Superior Water and Air as one of their vendors, so now, we work together!! It’s been fun to have a buddy to talk to when I’m standing there doing nothing at my job! Haha!

So that’s been our summer! It’s been busy but we are still alive. Are we thriving or just surviving, who knows!? But that’s okay because life is wonderful no matter what!