Scary words.

There are lots of scary words in this world: death, divorce, unemployed, miscarriage, infertility, chronic, sick, rejection… The list goes on and on. I heard a few scary words yesterday that applied to me: Biopsy. Carcinoma. Procedure. I guess I should back up to the beginning of the story. *There are pictures in this post that aren’t the most appealing to the eyes. You have been warned!*

A few weeks ago, a weird rash broke out on my face. Because life is stressful, I kinda just blamed it on stress. One night, it got itchy and I scratched it in my sleep. I woke up and it was about 10x worse. I didn’t really think much of it. I was planning on giving it about a week before I called my doctor – just in case it was actually just stress related. Almost a week went by and it was actually spreading. I had new spots on my face and down my neck. I couldn’t put make up on to cover it up without making it look worse. I was really self-conscious about it. I didn’t want to go anywhere because I looked the way I did. It was rough.

I had spent the weekend with my mom (I’ll do a separate post about that trip) and she was asking what my plans were for my face. I told her Wednesday would be a week and then I was going to call my dermatologist. We took pictures to send to my uncle who’s a doctor. He “diagnosed” me through the pictures but suggested that I actually go in and get it checked.

I called the next day (Monday) to set up an appointment. The next day, I went in. The nurse looked at my face, sent in the med student who looked, then in came the doctor. We discussed what was happening and then he left the room for a few minutes. When he came back, I just started laughing. I knew exactly what he was going to say. He kinda smiled at my spontaneous laughter before he said, “I have no clue! There are spots that look like impetigo it’s too isolated to be that. You have no other symptoms so it’s not staff or anything. It’s all really weird.” I just laughed some more and replied, “Story of my life. Either I don’t do things easy or no one has any idea what’s wrong!” We joked about that for a second before he asked me if I’d be willing to let him take a biopsy of one of the spots for future reference if anyone comes in with this again. Obviously, I said yes. I love helping progress the medical world. Haha! He did that and told me his office would call me when the results came back. He also gave me a cream to put on the sores to help heal them right up.

Two days after using the cream, it looked sooo much better. The doctor had told me that I could continue with my regular routine…so that meant makeup again!! Yay! I hadn’t worn make up for about four days to help not irritate it more.

Here’s pictures a week and a half after that (this morning to be specific).  I did have a little foundation on but not much.

So, yesterday I got the call I had been waiting for….and to be honest, kind of had forgotten about. Being a transplant recipient means being on lots of inmunosupresant meds for the rest of my life. I’m on them so my body doesn’t reject my heart. Further out you are from transplant, the less you worry about rejection and more about cancer. The biopsy from a few weeks ago came back with traces of carcinoma. Carcinoma is skin cancer. Although I’m overly cautious with sunscreen, I’m still at risk because my immune system is not really there. It’s sounds really easy to treat though. I’ve got an appointment later this month to do an ED&C. It’s a 20ish minute procedure that he’ll do in the clinic. I’ll keep you all updated on how things go!

I woke this morning with the prompting to ask Brad for a blessing. He immediately responded with eagerness. While I waited, I read my patriarchal blessing and said a prayer. I’m scared… Cancer is a scary word. I’m okay though. I’ve got a great support from family and my friends are amazing too. I miss my family and would love to be with them but all my friends have become my family.  I’m okay with being in Utah during all of this because of them. Heavenly Father loves me and has a plan. I’ve made it through all my heart stuff, a broken heart, moving away and going to school (twice)… I can make it through this too!

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