Sarah, are you in there?

Sarah hasn’t closed her eyes to sleep for, well we’re not sure. It could have been Friday night for a couple of hours but probably Thursday night. Saturday morning about 4:00am she had a terrifying dream that began this nightmare. We thought she was calmed down Sunday morning about 2am. We got to bed about 2:30 and the nurse called at 3 and we were at her bedside by 3:20. So in the0526131844a last 2 days we haven’t had any rest. Which just compounds the experience.
I just don’t know how to tell you what has been happening. A psychotic break? Hallucinations? Memory loss? Sure, all of the above. She has been having what she calls a recurring nightmare. She has been gone for most of the last 2 days. Her terror includes believing she is in the hospital to be born, then comes back as a toddler, and then she is horrified because we are all dead.
Sometimes she knows us and sometimes she doesn’t. This morning about 4am I nodded off for just a second. I came to with a start and she had pulled off her oxygen and pulled out her feeding tube. Why did I have to go out then?
The cardiologist decided she needed to be in ICU this afternoon. They have done a brain activity scan and are fairly confident there is no damage, stroke or seizure and are holding off on a CT scan for now.
They then did a lumbar puncture (or in my language: spinal tap) and while the culture results will take a little time, the doctor said the fluid was so clear he couldn’t believe there would be an infection. There are multiple blood cultures in the works to see about other infections.
At this point it seems likely she is having a drug induced psychosis. So tonight they are reviewing all of her medications to find the probable culprit and spend the next couple of days reconfiguring her meds that are keeping her alive so they can bring back our little Sarah.
We are exhausted and have absolutely zero mental energy. We are just empty. It was so difficult to leave her but we had little choice.
In the midst of all this anguish, Sarah’s PICC line (IV to the heart) stopped drawing blood. Just before her transfer to ICU, her nurse needed to draw a considerable amount of blood for labs to test for different infections but she just couldn’t get any out of the line. Sarah was so agitated she didn’t want to poke her for the blood draw. She looked at us and said it was time to pray. She left the room. We prayed hard. She came back and pulled back on the syringe and the blood flowed like it was a brand new line.
In the middle of a bleak day here was a life line reminding us we are not abandoned by God even when we felt alone.

3 thoughts on “Sarah, are you in there?

  1. Oh my stars… How crazy! I hope it is all sorted out very very soon. I also hope everyone gets a little sleep soon… In my prayers I will remember your family. P.S. I added Sarah’s name to Oquirrh Mountains rolls… And I will be back up on Tuesday for follow up… I visited from the doorway on Friday… I come bearing treats… What’s your faves??? (I will also just do a drive by, if its not a great day)

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