I started down a new path last week. After almost two years of staying home and hiding from everything, I got a job! I applied, got a call, and had an interview, went in for paperwork and videos last Thursday and I had my very first real shift on Monday. Yay!
In a span of a week, I went from nervous to excited back to nervous all the way to legitimately scared. It’s such a big change. I haven’t been “out in the world” for so long. How in the heck am I supposed to be safe AND still live life?!
The night before I was supposed to go in for my first day, I was laying in bed in total panic attack mode. Ricky was at work so I was at home by myself trying to sleep. I started crying and honestly kind of freaking out. I immediately got on my knees begging my Heavenly Father to help me calm down.
As I was finishing up my prayer, my sweet husband came home and found me surrounded by my emotional wreckage. He held me while I cried and talked, offering no solutions or fixes, just hugs. When I was out of tears, he offered to give me a blessing. It was exactly what I needed. We stayed up a little longer and had some ice cream. (Ice cream ALWAYS makes things better!!) Then went to bed.
The first day was pretty boring – paperwork and videos. Yesterday was much more fun. I got to actually be on the floor doing things. It’s definitely going to be a learning curve, but I’ve done retail jobs before so I’m not super worried about it. Everyone I’ve met has been super sweet and excited for me to be there. I’m looking forward to getting to know these girls!
As for my anxiety about it all, it’s still there. It’s always going to be there. I just need to pay attention to it and really be in tune with myself. I know that I can do things that seem scary. I know that I’ve got so many people in my corner who love and support me. I know that I can turn to my Father in Heaven anytime I need that extra hand to hold. And finally, I know that this is going to be a fantastic experience!!